thoughts on a hump day

heyla!

so lately I have been trying to work on my other site, my online portfolio (when it is up and running, I will release the URL). I have also been trying to finish up some side projects. Hope to have the last one completed this evening. And I have been writing my first-ever legit iPhone app, as well as working on a hopefully awesome business plan! Just call me an entreprenerd. My most recent thoughts were and have been about the fact that approx 99.99999999% of reality stars have written books. I didnt know they could read, let alone write, except maybe Vinny from Jersey Shore. He always struck me as somewhat intelligent, lacking the extreme shallow gene that the others had. Now, this in no way is me knocking jersey shore’s entertainment value — it is very high, especially when you turn it into other forms of entertainment… like betting… or i know some people who have turned it into a drinking game. Anyway, so in order to be fair, I have been browsing through some of the different reality stars’ books and reading reviews, trying to determine which ones I could or could not stomach. I feel like I have to read one and provide a review to actually give it all a fair shot. I will keep you apprised.

Now on to Wednesday madness:

Submitted from my dear friend Melinda:

These are from randomness on youtube:

from tosh.0:

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friday on the brain

You ever decide you are going to write something and then realize that you have nothing to write about (or really… no appropriate thoughts for the public)…. yea, that totally just happened! HAH!

I guess since I lack real stuff of substance, I will just babble on about the latest happenings until it develops into something more (if it doesn’t, I am truly sorry). Currently, as in RIGHT NOW, my coworker is reading something out loud. It is distracting me from my thoughts of nothingness, but is definitely entertaining. My dog had surgery and then couldn’t hold food down, but he seems to be doing better. I finally picked my focuses for my Masters… well, I picked one of them for sure, the other has been narrowed down to one of two: Software engineering (for sure) and either Cyber Security or Database Administration (what’re your thoughts, readers?). I am loving life on twitter and stuff with the family and husby are good.

My second week of eating better and attempting exercise were somewhat successful. Soccer game monday, yoga tuesday (LOVING YOGA), run on wednesday, nothing on Thursday… actually ate salad and have started replacing processed sugar with fruit. GO TEAM BECCA!

My mother’s side of the family has decided to have a reunion this summer. That is def interesting as we haven’t had an organized one in YEARS. They must have had so much fun at my wedding, that they could hardly contain themselves and wait any longer to see each other! Other than that, not much else to report….

I have begun some side projects instead of side work. I am wrapping up all side work so that I can focus for the next month and a half on my side projects of app development with my big brother, Ben; online portfolio improvement and awesomeness; my special all encompassing amazing website that will show the world my excellent talents! That’s right, be jealous, im awesome. that is all.

If I think of why I opened this post in the first place, I may post again. We shall see. So stay tuned and be sure to check back!

or just follow me and my amazingness on the tweeter: @onelittlebecca

 

Also, I support and agree with this:

Hilariousness for my late hump day post

this is from craigslist. It is hilarious! read it all the way through. I will post the contents of the article on here, but I will also include original link. And it is titled:

Vasectomy: $400. Speechless look on her face: priceless.

I’ll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago:

I got a vasectomy.

I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her – as I was to find out – it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she’s gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I’m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse “oops” on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to “think about all this.” I meet her again. I say I don’t want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batshit insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I’m laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a “negative test result for sperm” to show I’m sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I’m ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She’s all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly – or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. “Are you sure that this baby is mine?”

Well, she goes batshit insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she’s really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she’s a slut. I’m just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities… blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I’m not really mad. I’m kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won’t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, “You’re screwed”.

Her look doesn’t change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. “I am sterile”

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women’s logic. “You’re full of shit. You’re trapped and you know it.”

I hold up the letter and the test results. “Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine.”

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. “Bullshit, those are fakes.”

I was ready for that. “No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It’s a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine.”

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It’s a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue –

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story –

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.

 

Location: Manhood    <—— this is my favorite part!

 

HILARIOUS!  Hope you guys get to enjoy this! It DEF brought a smile to my face.

Hardcore slackers, throw your hands up!

Hello my fancy friends. How have you guys been these past two weeks?

I’ve been uhhh… slacking, well on the blog front. But at work, I have been SLAMMED! I have worked almost every single day for the past two weeks. In case you didn’t know, had no clue, or didn’t even wonder until now what I do, I make websites. For people. Who have high demands… which in reality is fine, because it provides me with the challenge my life so desperately needs and wants. Funny thing about all of that… I showed my brother one of my sites that I developed (in two days, check it out — it’s for a good cause!  www.takemcalesterback.com) and he said it was amazing and asked why my blog didn’t look like that… we’ll roll with the title of this post. I am a slacker and haven’t had time to do the extreme customization of this site yet. Anyway, it will come… one of these days when I am sitting around, bored, and stuff, but yea…..

so right now, gettin wednesday started off right! jammin out to Northeast Groovers. I have been listening to these guys since high school and they are bad ass. Love their joints. They were the first go-go I ever heard. And if you aren’t from DC and don’t know what go-go is, then go here and check the NE Groovers out.

They been around for EVER!. They were introduced to me in college and I been jammin to em ever since. I think my all time favorite song by them is called “the water”

Anywho. On to HUMP DAY BITCHES!

 

AWESOMENESS!!!

Trunk Baby Days – watch more funny videos

 
If you are my mom, don’t watch this. Everyone else, feel free!

Handjob, Bland Job, I Don’t Understand Job – watch more funny videos

Adventures in Garbage

So I actually got up early to go running this morning — big deal cause I was doing it at night, but I started to slack, so switched back to the mornings — and i had an amazing workout. I did a 35 minute sprint pyramid workout. It was pretty awesome. And afterward, I felt great!

So when I come back into my house, I look around and realize the place is a mess. The first thing I decide to do is take out the overflowing garbage…. so where I am currently residing, people take their trash to a dumpster and when the dumpster gets full, the trash people come and pick it up and put an empty trash dumpster in it’s place. Well, I bundle up the trash and wrestle it outside and into a hauling position over my shoulder. I am two, maybe three, steps out the door and I begin to feel something dripping down my  lower back. I think to myself, huh, maybe I am imagining it. Y’know what? I was NOT imagining this drip! It was wet coffee grinds that my boyfriend has so kindly dumped down into the trash bag (in his defense, I am sure he had no idea that they would ever leak as he normally takes the trash out). Leaking. Down my lower back and onto my booty. So here I am walking to the dumpster, sweaty as hell, coffee grinds leaking down my ass (like when I used to work at starf*ckers) and I notice a large mass of gnats surrounding the garbage I am carrying.

Ok, by this point, I have reached the dumpster.Now, at this point, I feel the need to point out that I am super short; like WAY shorter than the dumpster and so I need to throw up and over to get the trash into the dumpster. As I am doing the swing back and then release, I realize the garbage bag isn’t going to make it into the dumpster. Some of the garbage exploded out over the dumpster because the bag landed only 2/3 of the way into the garbage dispensary and so the impact of the top 1/3 that was not in the dumpster through out some of the garbage…. well, some of the papers and stuff pop out on to the grass and some of the coffee grinds are sitting on the rim of the dumpster.

So I bend down to pick up the garbage on the ground because I don’t like to loiter (seriously) and low and behold a gust of wind blows and blows coffee grinds onto my head and being soaked with sweat like I am, these grinds stick to my forehead and in my hair. I run a hand through my hair and immediately let out a string of obscenities.

Some of you might be confused as to why I was so frustrated because I am already sweaty, so I was going to shower anyway….well, I see your point, but it was just NASTY. So with that said, riddle me this Thursday, why you gotta hate?

Thursday, 2; Becca, 0

I will not be defeated damnit!